Ramblings that I doubt anybody will ever read

'Nuff Said

2010-08-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

Watermelon Lime Popsicles - Update

2010-07-04T23:57:00.000-07:00

They were a minor hit, meaning only a few people stuck around long enough to try them. I think my friends were just humouring me, but even so, these friends were good enough to say the popsicles were "delicious." The sausages were better, but that was a given. Really, the best part of the entire night was when S played "Int'l Players Anthem: I Choose You" by UGK feat. Outkast. That's America. F. Yeah.

It's 12:51

2010-07-04T12:51:00.001-07:00

Why do I hear fireworks? The incessant burst of fireworks at all hours - even hours during which you can't really see them - is one of the only things I HATE about the period of time surrounding Independence Day. Do I love America? Yes. I saw a fantastic bumper sticker on a pickup truck yesterday that had a picture of an American Indian with a caption that read: Don't love America? Fine, give it back. Tres magnifique.

Watermelon Lime Popsicles

2010-07-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

I made some of these this morning to bring to a little Independence Day fete later on. I purchased the watermelon thinking it would be pink inside. No, it was yellow. I was somewhat shocked, but I guess maybe the miniature watermelons are always yellow? Who knows, I rarely buy watermelons. Because the melons tasted as sweet as I remember pink watermelons tasting, I kept them.

The only thing is, I don't think the ratio of lime to watermelon to sugar was quite right - the mixture tasted a touch...bland...or not quite limey enough but also not quite watermeloney enough. I don't eat popsicles very often, and the ones I used to eat came in a long plastic tube and didn't taste like anything but high fructose corn syrup (e.g. delicious!) with orange/purple/red/blue/green flavoring, whatever that is. The point being, I didn't know what they were supposed to taste like. I'll report back in a few hours.

Baked Eggy Goodness

2010-07-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

I finally acquired some ramekins and had to use them immediately in order to justify paying the $3 and change at the hardware store. So I baked some eggs with asparagus, parmesan and sea salt (and a dash of the best milk ever, Straus whole). I only used two eggs, but somehow, before I knew it, the ramekin was overflowing with baked eggy goodness. I think I overcooked the eggs a touch, but the great thing about baking eggs is that they still remain quite moist.

Sidebar: that word always feels so dirty whenever I write it, but sadly, there is no other way to appropriately describe the state of the egg dish.

Speaking of sidebars, did you know that that is actually a legal term? During my first week as a summer clerk for a judge, an attorney asked the judge if he could "have a sidebar." Who knew? Now you do.

Anyway, I think next time I'll add some hot pepper flakes and perhaps some pesto. Yum.

World Cuppage

2010-07-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't been obsessed with the World Cup like some people. I saw the US v. Ghana game (tear) and am now watching the Argentina v. Gernmany game (I happened to wake up early so I decided to watch). I sadly missed the Ghana v. Uruguay game yesterday and cannot share in the cultural moment that people might be discussing for a week (they were robbed [I heard]!).

I don't know a thing about soccer, except that Cacau isn't playing today for some reason (Cacau! Cacau! Kakaw Kakaw!) and that I should, but for some reason do not, have a drink in my hand. I just realized it's half time so maybe I'll go get some grapefruit juice and make a salty dog.

This streaming-thought-blog post was brought to you by - dammit! The game is back on now I can't get any grapefruit juice! Balderdash! Mist! Sheizer! Mierda!

Cold Chillin

2010-05-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

With a little Celtics victory on the side.

Stroll Down Memory Lane

2010-05-25T20:48:00.000-07:00

In cleaning out my childhood room I came across two boxes of notes my friends and I wrote to each other in high school. Wow. These are so embarrassing I had to post an excerpt from one (I guess we were passing notes in class):

Hey! Don't tell anyone about the suicide thing! Isn't Leo sooooo hot? I love your shoes, they are so phat! I can't believe that you wrote a full page letter about Logan. I don't care if you talk or write about him, but you could have talked about something besides him. Meet me at my locker after school today! OK? I can't believe Mr. Shultz did that on the test. At first I thought I did good, but now I know I got at least 2 wrong. Mr. S gives such hard tests! <3

W/B [write back]
--
You know I'd never tell anyone about the suicide thing! I know Leo's really fine! But, Logan's soooo HOT! Sorry I kept on writing about Logan. I'll try to limit it! I really don't feel like going to the movies, but maybe I will...I don't know, I'll go if you go...or if Jihan or Deanna goes...I don't know. What time are you done babysitting? Let's go see the 9:00 show. Just not the 7:00. So, you're coming right? Mr. Shultz thinks he's soooo funny!
--
Who do you think is hotter Leo or Logan? I'm done babysitting at 7:00, but I can only go if Mary actually pays me tonight. Can you hang out after school?
--
Yeah I can hang out after school. Beg your parents to loan you some money! Come on! PLEAASSSSEEEE! Logan and Leo are tied...I think.
--
No one can be more fine and have as many props as Leo. If my parents are home I'll ask, but they went to pick up my sister up at college. Call me while I'm sitting at about 5:00 or 6:00. The # is...Did I tell you, I never got the DELIA*S magazine this month doesn't that suck. Bring it to school on Monday. OK. <3
--
What movie do you want to see?
--
Whatever, what theatre?
--
Whatever theater, I don't give a fuck! The only movie that we can't go see is Titanic!
--
No way we're seeing Titanic!
--
What movie do you want to see? (Not Titanic or Wedding Singer)
--
I don't care! We'll figure it out when we get there. How about Hush? Something scary.
--
Yeah that looks good.
--
So you're coming.
--
Sure, why not!

Let's Reunite!

2010-05-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

This weekend I attended my 5 year college reunion at Wesleyan. Also known as the best school ever. I can't believe I had cold feet about coming. That was a momentary lapse in judgment that I hope my classmates will forgive.

When I told non-Wesleyan people about this reunion they mostly thought it was weird. All I can say is I'm so glad I didn't go to a school that would cause me to have that kind of reaction to news about somebody else's 5 year reunion because it was more fun than people without a 5 year reunion will ever have with their fellow alumni. Poor them.

Go Wes!

P.S. Thanks to Doro's housekeeper for the beautiful and delicious cake that artfully summed up the weekend!

A Few Words on SJP

2010-05-20T16:06:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged since winter break and am sticking to my law-school-is-all-consuming excuse. But summer is here and I feel like taking a break from my submission for the law journal competition. Plus, I stopped dead in my clicks when I came across a photo of Carrie and Big from SATC 2. It provided just the kick in the (ahem) ass I needed to get back to blogging.

You might remember back in '07 when Maxim named Sarah Jessica Parker the "Unsexiest Woman Alive." I vehemently disagreed with the characterization, as did most women I know and engaged in a long-running debate about it with my boyfriend. He thinks she looks like a horse-tranny or a man/horse or something - his exact words escape me. I'll admit her bone structure is somewhat masculine, but would never have gone that far.

Until now:
Straight up, the girl looks like a tranny (nothing against trannies - ya'll are fab and you know it). From the Popeye biceps to the wide jawbone to her legs, which look muscular even under that beautiful dress. Now I understand what Maxim was thinking. And it makes me sad. What was the photographer thinking? I'm going to push this image as far back in my mind as it will possibly go and will never speak of it again. Though it will live on forever on this page for others to enjoy or lament.

Iguazu: Slumming It

2010-01-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

We decided/had to stay an extra day in Iquazu (no flights to Mendoza and we wanted to see the Devil's Throat - which was EPIC!) but didn't want to pay/waste crazy money on another night at The Sheraton, so we now find ourselves at a place called Cataratas. I can sum this place up in three words: don't. stay. here. I could go into all of the reasons why you should't stay here, but I don't want to waste my time. Just trust me.

Sidebar: I know it sounds like I'm doing nothing but complaining and for that I apologize - I don't mean to give you the wrong impression about Iguazu. It's incredible. A place one should see before one dies. Come here - you won't regret it.

Anyway, I'm off to a blase dinner. And then to play mini golf. And then to get smashed. It's part of my insurance policy. I just want to sleep through my heightened fear of bed bugs (thanks Tripadvisor!), which I swear I feel all over my body as I sit across the room, in a chair, far from the bed, as I type these final words. Sweet dreams.

Iguazu: Corporate Hotel Style

2010-01-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

Iguazu has been great. We first stayed at the Sheraton. It sounds lame to stay in such a corporate place when in a foreign country, and it kind of is. However, The Sheraton is the only hotel inside the national park and with a view of the falls to boot.

Still, these perks come at a price. Since it's the only game in town, The Sheraton can get away with charging exorbitant rates for what is really a 2.5 star hotel where the staff doesn't understand the meaning of the word "service," the food is eh and overpriced and the rooms are small and outdated. If I squinted, I might have been able to see how the place had been the cat's pajama's circa 1976ish when it was built. But circa now, the place needs at least a fresh coat of paint and at best a complete renovation.

Still, we had a sunny, clean, cold room with a balcony and plenty of cartoon network (in English). Oh, and the small bonus of having a view of the falls, the ability to hear them crashing down at all hours, multiple sightings of unique-to-me birds all over and very convenient access to all the major jumping off points within the park.

The Rough Guide to Argentina said this place was the biggest crime against the surrounding area. At first I thought it was being elitist, but it was right. The Sheraton is ugly, old and impersonal. But if you can suck up the hefty price tag for two days I think you'll agree it's worth the money.

Smooth Sailing

2009-12-31T18:25:00.000-08:00

So far, the trip has been uncannily smooth. So seamless Keith said he expected we'd go down in a fiery blaze somewhere between Dallas and BA. Thankfully, we made it.

BA was great. Beautiful architecture, delicious and cheap dining options, fantastic weather and liters of Stella Artois. Couldn't have been better. We're on to Iguazu tomorrow, and then to Mendoza.

Happy Trails

2009-12-26T23:00:00.000-08:00

My favorite pilots are the ones who not only act as steward of their craft, but tour guide as well. On our flight to BA, we had one such pilot. "To our left, you'll see Ship Rock, so named because the rock casts a shadow similar to a tall ship." Indeed, the shadow was reminiscent of a tall ship. "We're now passing over Santa Fe, NM. You can see the mountains beyond - the sweeping vistas..." Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but the man was a poet. A poet I tell you!

Airport Mustach Wax

2009-12-26T16:18:00.000-08:00

My first airport spa experience was quite successful. thanks Lisa, who has been waxing for 8 years. My newly bald lip is not that red and now I don't have to take my chances in a country in which I don't speak the language. I can confidently recommend Xpress spa to anyone who is considering it.

DFW = Awesome

2009-12-26T15:28:00.000-08:00

And by awesome I mean insane. Chapel. Mall. Spa. It's own yelp page. I'm about to get a wax - not down there you naughty. My mustache. Here's hoping they don't totally eff it up.

Leaving on a jet plane

2009-12-26T11:03:00.000-08:00

K and I are on our way to argentina. Despite CNN 's constant coverage of the attempted terrorist attack on the plane in Detroit, I'm very excited to board my 3rd flight in fewer than 24 hours and to visit DFW for the 2nd time in fewer than 12 hours. I will not allow TJ Brown to rain on my parade. Onward ho!!

IMG_0230.JPG

Opening Presents

2009-12-25T08:24:00.001-08:00

One year I joyously opened the one present I had under the tree only to stare down at a pack of batteries. I kid you not. They weren't even brand name batteries. They were Costco batteries. Better than a lump of coal? Yes. Obviously. I'm sure I sound like a spoiled American brat complaining about the gifts I've received for Christmas. Some people don't even receive gifts. But still...here's hoping I have more than batteries under the tree.

merry christmas

2009-12-25T07:54:00.001-08:00

to one and all!!!!!

For All of the Lebowski Lovers Out There

2009-11-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

I have the pleasure of looking at this fine specimen of street art as I impatiently wait for one of the many subpar, overcrowded, smelly Mission buses to carry me from Bernal to BART each morning. Believe it or not, it provides some solace.

Sequins?

2009-11-03T06:52:00.000-08:00

Yes please!

Law School: The Upside

2009-10-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

1. My nails are growing really, really fast

2. .... hmmm... yeah, so that's all I got.

Spaghetti Squash Heaven

2009-10-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

Is where I am right now. Thanks to this recipe.

Sound a little boring? Yes. It is just tomato sauce over spaghetti squash after all. But it's incredibly satisfying and is providing just the pick-me-up I need as I prepare to delve into several hours of Contracts reading (sad face).

What's with the Pet Rats?

2009-10-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

On BART of all places? The last thing I need is to look directly to my left and see a long, greyish-white tail flitting about a stranger's shoulder. Really. Come on, people.

How Much Do I Love Bacon?

2009-09-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

I actually dreamt about cuddling with a pig. I named it Humphrey. Or was it Bartlett? Doesn't matter. I loved it. Thank you to the friends in my dream how gave it to me as a prank gift. I love you too.

Now They Care About Big Government?

2009-09-12T09:13:00.001-07:00

Patriot Act good! Health care for all bad!

Delicious Granola

2009-09-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the insanity that is the first semester of the first year of law school, I managed to make some granola. It's quick, cheap, easy, super tasty and can be modified in many ways. I added coconut, dried cranberries and flax seeds, and used pecans instead of almonds. Next time I'll add pumpkin seeds and maybe some currants. I liked that this recipe uses vegetable oil instead of butter. As much as I love butter (and I do), putting an entire stick of it in what's supposed to be a healthy breakfast doesn't work for me. Anywho, here's the recipe:

* 3 cups old-fashioned oats (9 ounces)
* 1 cup sliced almonds with skin (1/4 pound)
* 1/4 cup sesame seeds
* 6 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 6 tablespoons mild honey
* 1 teaspoon ground cardamom
* 1/2 cup dried apricots, finely chopped
* 1/2 cup dried pears, finely chopped

Preparation

Preheat oven to 350°F with rack in middle. Oil a 4-sided sheet pan or line with parchment paper.

Stir together oats, almonds, and sesame seeds in a large bowl. Heat oil, honey, cardamom, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a small saucepan over low heat (or in a microwave) until heated through. Stir into oat mixture.

Spread evenly in sheet pan and bake, stirring once, until golden, 20 to 25 minutes.

Cool granola completely in pan (it will crisp as it cools), then stir in fruit.

Hope you enjoy!!

An American Breakfast, American-Style

2009-07-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

8:10am: egg and cheese sandwich with ham. Consumed standing up at a counter in the airport. The guy next to us was eating an entire cheese pizza from Domino's.

Happy to Be Back...

2009-07-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

...but missing my beautiful sisters.

Happiness is a Bowl of Kenips

2009-07-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

These little fruits are my third favorite thing about St. Croix (behind my family and the beaches). As a child, I would stand on a shaky old ladder and beat them down from the trees with a broom, or whatever whacking device I could find. It would literally rain kenips.

Since my arrival, I've been scouring the earth for these gems of goodness to no avail. Finally, this morning on my way back from the rain forest I encountered two young boys in the middle of the road on bicycles with backpacks full of them. I procured several handfuls for just $1.00. As I made my way home, I saw several tables along the side of the road with bunches upon bunches of kenips for sale. I plan to eat as many as possible in the next 48 hours. I look forward to the consequences of my gluttony.

Estate Whim

2009-07-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

On Thursday I went to Estate Whim, an 18th century Danish sugar plantation. It is the oldest plantation in the Virgin Islands and has been converted into a museum. The grounds are both historically accurate and quite lovely.

Below, the stately entrance to the grounds:

An enchanting path on the basement level that leads around the house...

...and out onto the property:

A quick look back at the main house...

...which is protected by the watch house, built in 1791 and barely 6 feet high:

As you progress across the field, the sugar mill and its processing components come into view:

This unidentifiable piece of machinery came from Glasgow:

Additional mysterious machinery dot the property:

The large pots below, and the one beyond, were used to turn the newly refined sugar into syrup:

The sugar was refined here, in the sugar mill:

Dozens of old sugar mills remain intact on the island, but this is by far the most famous of the lot. It has always amazed me that these buildings, primitive though they may seem, have withstood hurricane after hurricane while modern constructions simply yield to the will of the winds. Should you ever visit St. Croix, and tire of the numerous beautiful beaches and captivating coral, Estate Whim is definitely worth a visit.

Vacation

2009-07-23T06:11:00.000-07:00

Periodically, someone very close to me who shall remain nameless will remind me that my blog is "stale." He isn't being mean, he just wants me to blog with greater frequency. And he's right. I wish that I had the time (or the inspiration?) to blog more often, but what can I say? I've got other things going on (so back off! ;-))

Anyway, for the past week I've been on St. Croix, in the USVI, where I'm from. It's beautiful here. Crystal clear waters, white sand beaches, myriad marine life to gawk at (starfish, coral) and avoid (barracudas, sea urchins, sharks). Lush rain forest, scrubby desert.

I've spent most of my time at the beach so far. On my 2nd day here, I went to Shoys, where I spent a great deal of time as a child:

I collected a bunch of sea urchin shells

This past weekend, I went over to St. John for some r&r because, you know, lounging on the beach can be really stressful. I took the sea plane:

I've always loved the sea plane. It's so fun because you get to fly really close to buildings and you take off and land on the ocean.

St. John was gorgeous, if a bit stormy:

I still managed to get sunburned.

Today I'm going to go to a few museums. I'll post pics later.

A few things I've learned en route ia airplane

2009-07-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

1. Duty Free us now called DUFRY. It also completely ripped off the Virgin logo. I doubt the people buying Newports by the case care or notice.

2. I'm still amazed that people continue to get dressed up to sit in a dirty, claustraphobic space for a few hours. This, I've decided, is decidedly not an American thing. For the most part, we wear whatever mist resembles pajamas because most of us are too embarrassed to wear actual pajamas but still want to be comfortable.

3. I will continue to drink heavily before any red-eye.

4. The red-eye survival kit by Bliss is an absolute must. Bug-bye red-eye, hello shut-eye indeed. Plus I totally felt kind of glamorous with an eye mask on my face.

5. I feel so dirty right now. I'm on the 3rd and final leg of my journey and my face feels like it's been camping im the wilderness (that's why I don't camp). Why is it that airplanes always make you feel so so foul? Ugh.

Sabs' Got Talent

2009-07-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

Last night I went karaokoeing with a few people, including Sabs. Sabs is no stranger to karaoke. I first got a taste of her skills during a holiday party last year, where she say the Banana Boat Song. You know, the one that goes Day Oh! Me say daaaayy oh. daylight comin me 'wan go home. Needless to say, it was inspirational.

Anyway, last night we went to The Mint to get our inner diva on. Sadly, it was overrun by a bunch of MoFos (lawyers who work at this place called Morrison & Foerster. They call themselves MoFos. Isn't that so...thought provoking?). They have their annual summer associate party at The Mint and drop hella money. Needless to say, the karaoke nazi pays attention to nobody's karaoke needs but theirs. While Sabs and I did get in 1 rendition of Proud Mary (hat tip to LL for asking the MoFos to let us in on the fun), the urge to karaoke could not be satisfied due to the 45 minute wait.

So, serendipitously, we found ourselves at Martuni's, that piano lounge on Market where people do their thang accompanied by a mousy, middle-aged woman on a (baby?) grand piano. It wasn't long before Sabs morphed into a sultry, sexy, oh so sad and lonely Bessie Smith. Below is a sample of Sabs' formidable talent.

Formidable indeed.

The Palo Alto Creamery Has an Identity Crisis

2009-07-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went to the PA Creamery for some fries, a grilled cheese w/bacon and tomato and a black and white milkshake. I had a great time. That is, until I saw the final item listed for sale on the menu, aptly called The Bubbly Burger:

Only in a place like Palo Alto, which had a McCafe (that McDonalds place that wanted to be a less nice version of Starbucks but still scare away the working-class Dunkin' Donuts crowd) would you be able to buy a burger at an otherwise fairly bonafide diner that comes with Dom Perignon. Without, I should add, a hint of irony. If that doesn't make you saw WTF, I don't know what will. Why yes, I will take my ground chuck with a side of smug.

Sweet Potato Enchiladas

2009-07-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

Last night I made sweet potato enchiladas for dinner. They were delicious. Hat tip to Aly B for making this dish for me a few weeks ago.

It sounded like a strange combination at first: sweet potatoes with a spicy tomato sauce (?) but it works. My favorite things about this dish are:

- It's dairy-free and vegetarian
- The heat provided by chili peppers is tempered by the potatoes, which I simmered in coconut milk before pureeing
- The creamy consistency is extremely satisfying and feels decadent on the tongue but not in the belly

See below for the recipe [sidebar: I doubt I outlined the recipe as well as Martha may have, but I think you get the idea].

Ingredients:
2-3 sweet potatoes, chopped into 2-inch cubes
1 can coconut milk
1/2 a yellow onion, chopped
1.5 cans tomato paste
1-2 cups water
a few dried chili peppers (depending on how spicy you like your food to be)
6 soft flour tortillas
2 tbsp. olive oil
salt
pepper
curry powder
red chili flakes
Cilantro
Avocado
Scallions

Directions:
Preheat oven at 350
Boil sweet potatoes until semi-firm. Drain and simmer in coconut milk until soft.

Puree/mash sweet potatoes and roll into tortillas. Bake 8-10 minutes.

Meanwhile, over medium flame, saute onion until fragrant (about 3 minutes). Add chili peppers and saute for 3-5 minutes or until fragrant. Add tomato paste, water, salt, pepper, curry powder, red chili flakes and simmer 5-8 minutes.

Pour tomato sauce over enchiladas and bake 5-8 minutes more.

Top with cilantro, scallions and avocado, if desired.

Yum.

Apparently, I Have a Tick

2009-07-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

That's right. A tick. Not a physical tick, but a verbal one. According to Keith, I say the word "shit" very often. So often I don't even realize that I'm saying it. He just pointed this out to me the other night and said that he'd stopped asking me what was wrong when I said, "shit" months ago because the word, normally used to express something relatively negative, had lost all of its value. I found this to be hilarious, but also embarrassing.

Last night, I realized that I had forgotten to pack something that I needed for work and apparently I said, "Shit! I forgot _____." When I retrieved _____ item, Keith started laughing hysterically and asked me why, oh why, do I say "shit" oh so often? I had no good answer for him because I didn't even realized that I had said it. So I said, "I guess I have a tick." He said, "No, Ashley. When someone swears uncontrollably, it's called Tourrettes."

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

2009-06-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

When threats, arrests, and shooting don't work to pacify the opposition, try a Lord of the Rings marathon! At least that's what Iran is doing.

As Slashdot astutely points out, the movie choice is a bit odd. The film is inspirational and left me feeling like I could conquer the world - or save it from an evil oppressor. Makes me wonder if anybody over at the state television Channel Two has even seen the movie...

Latest Obsession

2009-06-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

These bad boys:

They are bad indeed. They hurt me good.

Sadly, they are just slightly out of my price range. Sigh. Perhaps they'll go on sale come fall.

MJ: Update

2009-06-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sad that he's dead. I forgot to say that.

MJ

2009-06-26T08:51:00.001-07:00

I'd like to apologize in advance to all of my loved ones and friends who might find this post offensive and callous.

Everybody is talking about MJ. Of course. The King of Pop. He was an inspiration, a tragedy, sometimes a caricature. But an immensely influential figure nonetheless. He broke racial barriers and danced like nobody ever could or will. And in typical, tragic popstar style, he died right before what I'm convinced was going to be his big comeback.

I'm not one of those rabid MJ fans. But I like the majority of his pre-1995 music, and I like it a lot. Did I have a replica of the famous glove? No. Did I ever attempt the impossible moonwalk? Yes. Do I love "Beat It?" "Thriller?" "Scream?" Yes. Yes. and Yes.

Having said that, I can't deny that the KOP has been dead to me for years. I know it may be too soon to say that, but I just did. What? I mean, really. In my eyes, he might as well have died after that awful music video "Librarian Girl," which had more celebrity cameos than and was just as sad to watch as "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." At least then he wouldn't be $400 million in debt and we wouldn't all be trying to respectfully ignore the patently creepy shit that characterized the last 10+ years of his career. I mean, a few weeks ago, if you'd been asked to describe the KOP, I'm sure words like "genius" would come up, but so words like, "freak" and "disturbed."

Anyway, I'm not trying to crap on anybody's fandom - I appreciate the KOP. In any case, as my coworker's friend put it yesterday, "he's with the baby jesus now (hope there's a chaperon)."

RIP.

Jury Duty

2009-06-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This post is guaranteed to be full of incoherent psychobabble.

I'm sitting in the SF Jury Duty Assembly Room. It smells. It's so quiet - it feels like someone died. Maybe it's because everybody in this room feels dead. I know I do. I think someone just farted. I guess somebody is alive. Someone else is playing Star Trek. Share the love! I mean, really, must we all sit here in a giant cone of silence? I've already thought of my excuse to get out of serving my country and I'm sure everybody else has too (if not, they're idiots). I'm sick of trying to find ways to not touch the gross orange chair on which I'm sitting (why did I wear shorts today?) - bring on the vapid distraction!

Oh wait, they're about to show us a video presentation (ask and you shall receive). I'm really feeling the patriotic classical music and the brooding, 80s drum-n-bass-ish interludes that give you a sense of impending doom. Did you know that California is the greatest state in the union? That's what the video narrator says. And now people are being interviewed and telling me what the most intense part of being on a jury is. Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a hint: it happens at the end. GUILTY!

In all seriousness, I am genuinely interested in serving on a jury; I think it would be fascinating. But the timing couldn't be worse. I don't have time for this. At least the video tells me that if I get excused I shouldn't take it personally. Phew. Self-esteem crisis officially averted.

Yummy Dip

2009-06-15T22:29:00.001-07:00

Today, I decided to venture further into the wide world of dip; that magical combination veggies, oils, spices and herbs. Sometimes dip is punched up simply with a little garlic and a few tablespoons of silky extra-virgin olive oil. Other dip comes to life with a decadent dose of whole milk, sour cream cream or mayo. Spices, fresh herbs, roasted ingredients (or not), with beans or without. When it comes to dip, the possibilities are endless.

Dip is the kind of side or hors d'oeuvre that can wow or fall completely flat. While it's easy to make a solid dip, I find that a fantastic dip is surprisingly hard to come by. Just think of all of the ho-hum hummus populating store shelves. I mean really, why is it so hard to achieve the perfect combination lemon, garlic, chickpeas and olive oil to form a lustrous, melt in your mouth hummus?

I've been in the mood for healthy snacks that I can throw together in a jif and, having made my fair share of hummus in the past, tonight I tried my hand at a slightly more complex dip. I made this concoction with roasted garlic, sun-dried tomatoes and white beans, plus a sprig of fresh rosemary, some olive oil, a dash of kosher salt and black pepper and a little water to smooth it out.

It came out quite well - it even looked like the picture.

Was it the best dip I've ever had? No, that dip requires a heavy dose of cream and other fatty things like cheese. But this dip was very good, very light and very satisfying; just what the doctor ordered on a hot summer evening. It definitely could have used more roasted garlic, but since I didn't have an entire head as the recipe calls for, I did my best. [Sidebar: I'm also a garlic freak who has been known to eat chunks of it with ginger when I'm feeling sick (it's good and it works. I swear)]. But, as usual, I digress.

To accompany the dip, I made whole wheat pita chips with olive oil, sea salt and red pepper flakes. These two items are a match made in heaven. The the rosemary adds an earthiness while baked pita chips bring a smokiness complemented by the heat supplied by the red pepper flakes. The sun-dried tomato add a bit of salty goodness and the white beans bring everything back down to earth - in a good way. I also tried the dip with a cool, refreshing cucumber, which was also delicious. I plan to eat it with a raw zucchini tomorrow. I may or may not report back. If you're curious, go make it yourself and we can compare notes.

To see the recipe, click here.

I should note that if you are not enamored of sun-dried tomatoes (as I am), this dip is most certainly not for you.

Mexico

2009-06-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to Playa del Carmen on the Riviera Maya with the boyfriend. We zip-lined, cave-walked and snorkeled in a cenote. We also visited Tulum and swam at the beach below the ruins. It was beautiful:

Downtown Playa del Carmen:

Yeah, not so beautiful. Typical in tourist-driven economies (sad face)...

Our cabbie's taxicab accessories:

An ad for the pleasure palace in the taxi:

Everybody kept asking KT and I if we were on our honeymoon. Um, I guess they didn't notice the rings that weren't on our fingers. Despite our many attempts to set the record straight, we walked into our room after dinner and came upon this:

You see, the hotel reservations were under my name, and the concierge was aware of that because they checked us in. But alas, that information did not get transmitted to the creators of our chocolate-dipped strawberry welcome plate. Priceless.

The mosquitoes were vicious. I was the lucky recipient of no fewer than 14 bites on my legs, arms, neck and, yes, eye:

Just inside the wall of Tulum:

Apparently, a mere 350 people (give or take) lived inside the wall, whereas thousands lived outside. Our tour guide, Victor, did not forget to tell us that the blood, sweat and tears of the common people built and sustained this Mayan community and that, to his chagrin, not much has changed since then. I think he was a Zapatista.

Note the ginormous hotel in the background of the main temple where the Mayan people held major sacrifices and other religious events.

And now for zip-lining, which was AWESOME:

Our zip-line guides. Yes, one of them is throwing up a gang sign. I believe this one belongs to the Crips (the sign, not the guy...as far as I know...).

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Readying for the next descent:

Now onto the cave walk, which was 3 miles long (apologies for the poor picture quality. My camera is an ancient three years old and apparently 8 megapixels is trash):

We went swimming in one of these:

The hotel really went for it with the ornamental towels. Our first day some crazy basket thing with flowers spilling out and onto the bed, then we had a pachyderm, then a brontosaurus, then some other things I can't remember. And then, on our final night, the coup d'grace:

Swans for Mr. and Mrs. Hodge.

By the time Tuesday rolled around, I found myself begging Keith to stay one more day. I mean, really, with scenery like this and free food and alcohol, wouldn't you?

But alas, I didn't get my way.

Pigeon Voeyerism

2009-06-01T20:57:00.001-07:00

The other morning I woke up to excessive wing-flapping by the dirty pigeons that inhabit the light well onto which my bedroom window looks out. I tried to ignore it because I still had 30 minutes left before my alarm summoned me from my slumber. I tried to fall back asleep for 15 minutes to no avail. The despicable wing-ed creatures had other plans. You see, when I looked out my window to see what all the commotion was about, I saw this:

I thought to myself, "what's happening? Is s/he trying to mount him/her?" No. Even better:
PIGEON FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ON GUARD!

BAM!

OH SNAP! That pigeon just got told. Son!

Mohawked

2009-06-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

Holy Christ

2009-05-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

Just when I was starting to feel proud about being American...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5395830/Abu-Ghraib-abuse-photos-show-rape.html

The Abu Ghraib scandal is like the Energizer Bunny of badness.

I. Am. Too. Obsessed.

2009-05-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've always been obsessed with wax seals. As a child I used to send letters to people just so I could seal the envelopes with wax. My favorite part of movies depicting "olden times" was the part when some highfalutin someone or other would furiously attempt to finish a letter so that one of his boy servants could make haste and get it to some other important so-and-so just in time to save some innocent young lass or gent from the gallows. I always wished that my family had a seal that we could display proudly on a flag or a plate or a t-shirt.

So, you can imagine my delight when I discovered pyrrha necklaces.

I first saw these at Midnight Farm in Vineyard Haven back in November '08. Sadly, I was in no position to purchase one so I did my best to forget about them. But then, this past weekend, I stumbled upon another set of necklaces at the Nob Hill Spa as I was checking out. Sadly, once again, I was in no position to buy one.

One of my favorites is the dagger, whose seal reads "Courage sans peur", which means "Courage without fear":

Another fave is the scissors:

This seal reads, "We part to meet again." I like this one because it makes me think of my dad.

I also really love the initials and imagine myself wearing an "A", "J" and "H." I'm all about layering statement jewelry.

While my savings has been rapidly depleting as I prepare for the next phase of my life, which will consist of having no life at all because I'll be reading pages and pages of legalese until my vision becomes so bad I need glasses like that nerdy kid in 8th grade, I'm still hoping to put a little extra aside for one slash three or four of these sweet suckers.

And if not, they're already on my birthday/Christmas list (along with the pancake waffle maker thingy). So if my family is reading this, the whole "you're so hard to shop for" excuse just won't cut it this year ;-). That phase I went through in which I didn't want any presents is officially over. I'm letting materialism resume its rightful place in my life: row 8, left of center.

UGLIEST. RING. EVER.

2009-05-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

Shudder.

Seriously, what is up with this ring? And just where does one get a "salvaged" diamond?

If anybody ever proposed to me with this ring, I would probably vomit in my mouth a little (no, a lot) on my way to saying "no." "Yes" would be off the table after seeing this thing. Okay, okay. Maybe I'm being dramatic. But I would have to really, really love the giver of this ring in order to get past such horrible taste.

[Sidebar: I hope you don't think I'm a crazy, superficial woman as a result of this post. But seriously, this ring is just awful and says a lot about the person to whom you might/are/will be betrothed.]

P.S. This is not a speech act.

It is Good to Give Blood

2009-05-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

So do it. Besides the abnormally large needle they use to draw blood, it's totally painless. And you get stickers and a fluorescent bandage on your arm and free juice, peanuts, oreo cookies, fig newtons and a plethora of other snacks. And then you can feel better than everybody else who doesn't donate blood even though they can (assuming they can).

Come on, Find the Hero in You.

Zucchini-Lemon Muffins

2009-05-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

I love all things lemon. I also happen to love zucchini bread. I had also been craving a good, homemade muffin to boot. So you can imagine my delight when I happened upon a recipe for Zucchini-Lemon Muffins on CookingLight.com.

I'd been nervous about baking muffins for quite some time - it just seems to hard. This past weekend, however, I decided that I might screw it up, but I had to try, so I did. And I must say, the results were simply delicious (in my oh-so-humble opinion):

While the muffins in the photo aren't as browned on top as some of the others, they still managed to have both the slightly crispy exterior and melt-in-your-mouth, moist interior. All in all, I succeeded at my first muffin-making attempt.

I love everything about these muffins: the flavor, the fact that they only take 30 minutes to bake end-to-end (and I'm an amateur) and the fact that each muffin has fewer than 150 calories in it. Indeed, these muffins were such an insta-hit in my world that I made a second batch.

Because I thought these were so delicious, and because I'm feeling..generous, I thought I'd share the recipe with you:

Yield

1 dozen (serving size: 1 muffin)
Ingredients

* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1/2 cup sugar
* 1 tablespoon baking powder
* 2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 1 cup coarsely shredded zucchini
* 3/4 cup skim milk
* 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 1 large egg
* Cooking spray

Preparation

Combine the first 6 ingredients in a bowl, and make a well in center of mixture. Combine zucchini, milk, oil, and egg; stir well. Add to flour mixture, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened.

Divide batter evenly among 12 muffin cups coated with cooking spray. Bake at 400° for 20 minutes or until golden. Remove from pans immediately, and let cool on a wire rack.

That's it. I'm not kidding.
You can also view the recipe here.

Is Good Pizza Finally Coming to SF?

2009-05-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

The latest pizza spot to open in SF is called Flour + Water. I'm not sure if I like the name, but at least it provides some indication as to what you'll get if you go there. Anyway, this place comes on the heels of many a specialty pizza place: Beretta (ugh) and Pizza Nostra (yay!) to name a few.

My only beef with this growing legion of restaurants specializing in pizza is that they all set out to do the same thing: gourmet pizza. At the same time, it still remains difficult to find an exceptional slice of cheese or pepperoni. I can think of three places where I can get a good slice (in order of quality): Serrano's, Marcelo's and (dare I say) Escape From New York on Haight.

I'm all for good pizza - it's my favorite food. But I wish that people would lay of the artisinal juice and turn out a simple, delicious, slice at 1AM. Is that so much to ask?

In any event, I plan to go to Flour + Water in the next week or two to sample the goods. I'll report back. In the mean time, if any of you beat me to it, please let me know how it is.

Big Baby Davis

2009-05-10T23:08:00.000-07:00

Saves the day!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Star Trek: Live Long and Prosper

2009-05-09T22:58:00.001-07:00

Last night I saw Star Trek. I have never been a "Trekkie" (or whatever you people call yourselves), and felt like a complete poser having never seen a single episode. I think I even called Spock "Dr. Spock" to an avid fan, who definitely pretended not to notice. Oh well.

The movie is awesome and you should definitely go see it. If you need to be convinced at all, I offer the following points of interest:

- Zoe Saldana - she's foxxy

- Star Trek nerdettes who dressed up in full regalia for the event.

You and I both know you have fantasies about female Star Trek devotees. And if you don't, you will after you see Zoe Saldana in her little red getup (don't let the parts where she kisses Spock ruin it for you. [That was not a spoiler. Everybody knows Spock hooked up with a black chick at some point in the show - even me, and I've never even seen it]).

- Leonard Nimoy

- The Bay, where crucial scenes in the movie take place

Sucker for Stamps

2009-05-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the post office to send out Mother's Day cards. Of course, while I bought the cards days ago, I failed to get to the post office until this morning. My laziness cost a cool $69 and change because I had to send three cards via express mail, which costs $17 a pop. It would have only cost $53 or so, but I let the postal workers guilt-trip me into buying Forever stamps.

Actually, that's a lie. I guilt-tripped myself into it. I felt bad that the postal service is in such terrible shape. Plus a USPS patron was using one of the machines instead of the people to complete his shipment even though there were fewer than five people in line.

While Andres, my favorite USPS guy, completed my shipment, I mentioned that prices were going up how much that sucked. He told me that I should buy the Forever stamps, because the prices will probably continue to rise. If the past is any indication, that made sense to me. So I asked for one book. Then I said, "Well, better make it two."

So now I have two books of stamps. Which I definitely don't need. I've told myself that it'll all be worth it in the end because since I mail things so infrequently, by the time I use all of the stamps the going rate will be $1 per envelope.

I'll have the last laugh. Muahahahahaha. Muahahahaha. Muahahahahaha.

I WANT THIS

2009-05-06T09:09:00.001-07:00

Everyone who knows me, knows that I love pancakes. Next to pizza, pancakes are my favorite thing to eat.

My birthday is not for several months, but if anybody wants to buy this Nordic Ware Waffled Pancake Pan for me anyway I'd be eternally grateful. Look at how amazing it is:

It's pancakes AND waffles! All in one! No more choosing between the two! Or being a fatty like me and just getting both.

I promise to make you waffled pancakes with homemade whipped cream, fresh berries, mimosas and coffee.

An Inopportune Cramp

2009-05-05T19:49:00.001-07:00

I heard a story a few days ago that I originally decided not to share because it's so personal and embarrassing. It's also, in my humble opinion, utterly hilarious. After thinking about it and requesting permission to publish said story, I decided it was too good to keep all to myself.

Warning: this story is about sex.

Moving on...

My friend is making out with her boyfriend as he is about to leave when he makes a game-time decision that they simply must have sex. Now. She agrees. He begins to tear off her clothes and she his. They only get their bottoms off, but whatever. This is mission critical and there is no time for unbuttoning shirts and removing bras.

He engages in a bit of foreplay. A kiss here. A nibble there. She's having the most pleasurable experience she's had in days (it had been a long week and a good orgasm was the perfect fix). But while foreplay is nice, she really just wanted to get down to business.

Finally, the guy is putting it inside of her. She's been anticipating this moment for quite some time. Then, he starts slipping off of the bed. She is flummoxed and thinks to herself, "What's going on? Is he going down on me again? Well, okay." But then he keeps going. Eventually, he reached the floor.

"What the fuck?" She thinks to herself. He starts writhing in pain, sweating and turning beet red. "Seriously? What the fuck?" She asks, repeatedly. He's in too much pain to speak, so she has to figure it out on her own. "Is he having a heart attack? That's impossible, he's only 25. An ulcer? Again, too young. What the fuck?"

Eventually, she scans his body for any symptoms and sees him clutching his upper thigh. He starts grunting and groaning, apparently in too much pain to speak. She desperately tries to contain her laughter upon realizing what prevented him from doing right by her. A leg cramp. He has a leg cramp.

He repeats in a guttural voice, "Oh God! Oh God!" (imagine a pig squeling mixed with a cow mooing) for what feels like an hour but is probably only a minute or two. While she doesn't think it's funny (having experienced these leg cramps herself), when compared to a heart attack, it kind of is.

Finally the pain subsides. She stands over him, naked from the waist down, peering down at him and waiting for him to respond to her expletive-laden questions. By the way, he is also naked save for a white undershirt, lying on the floor moist with sweat and huffing and puffing like a fat guy with one lung who, for the first time, tried to take the stairs instead of the escalator (mistake).

She helps him up. He makes it no more than three steps before he again, slowly slithers to the ground, grunting and groaning the whole way and clutching his thigh. She is once again standing over him trying to contain her laughter whilst offering comforting words like, "Oh God! Oh God!"

Eventually, the pain subsides. Again. He stretches his leg. Sheepishly gets dressed, and goes home. They both masturbate shortly thereafter.

The End.

Mother's Day: Sign of Mere Appreciation or Evil Tool?

2009-05-05T14:58:00.001-07:00

Mother's Day is supposed to be a day spent appreciating mothers. A day when mother's get to revel in the reward that countless hours of self-sacrifice has (finally) reaped. The one day every year when moms the world over (and by the world I mean America, the pantheon of made-up holidays) are expected to do nothing but sit back, relax and ask other people things like "what's for breakfast?"

Yes, this day must be sweet (though it's certainly not enough to make me want kids. One day of alleged r&r does not override my running list of reasons not to spend nine months bloated and hungry, hours upon hours pushing a slimy something or other out of a hole the size of a can of Guinness beer and years upon years putting your needs aside for something that spends the middle period of their childhood disobeying you, yelling at you and generally acting like a little punk). And it's all about the mom and what she wants, right?

Why then, am I being bombarded with e-newsletters (mainly from Williams-Sonoma) trying to sell products that make it "easier" for moms to do stuff for other people? New Frittata pan? How did you know that was just what I wanted?!? The better to serve you eggs with, my dear! Personalized apron? Stop it! Oooh oooh! What about this Professional Multi-Chopper? Now, when I get home from my 10-hour workday I can make dinner for you even faster!

I love Mother's Day. If for no other reason, than to remind me of all the things my mother has done and will continue to do for me, and so I remember why I don't want kids.

Sweet Scores at Carrotbox

2009-05-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

I came across these awesome rings on The Carrotbox and had to share it with my female readers (and any fellas who may be on the hunt for a cute gift for their special lady friend/s).

Most of the stuff on this site is a bit hippie-dippy for me, but some of the pieces are beautiful and almost ethereal in their simplicity. I've shared a few from my favorite collections below:

The Kimono Collection:

Just adorable.

The Diamond "Alexis":

A fun cocktail ring that will add a little bling to any outfit. I'd pair it with a simple grey tank top, sequin vest, skinny white jeans and a pair of strappy, chunky black heels.

Faceted White Agate:

I like this one because it looks like you're wearing porcelain on your finger. So delicate and tres chic.

The "Elodie":

These candy-colored confections look good enough to eat. They are reminiscent of blue raspberry, orange creamsicle and licorice, respectively.

And last, but not least, the Emerald "Nadia":

Just looking at this ring makes me feel calmer. It evokes a deep breath or sitting on a Caribbean beach, with gentle waves lapping at the shore. And at $12 a pop, it's the closest I'll get to a spa treatment or a summer getaway - at least anytime soon.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!

2009-05-02T20:14:00.001-07:00

Daily Victory

2009-04-26T22:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I met Emily at the farmer's market per our semi-usual Thursday routine. I was on my third loop around the market and had stopped at the same five stands for free produce each time and was starting to feel mildly embarrassed. Still, I was trying to stay away from my workplace for as long as (respectably) possible, so I proposed that we leave the market and circle the block a few times.

Before Emily and I reached the end of the first block, I spotted the opportunity to perfect my haggling skills before I go to Mexico in a few weeks and to satisfy my craving for an impulse buy: a photograph offered for sale by a street vendor. Asking price: $18. [Sidebar: don't judge me on the whole impulse buy thing. As Kanye would say, I'm a single Black female, addicted to retail. And besides, I hadn't bought a single non-essential item in months. And yes, a daily Froyo is an essential item.]

As I chewed the fat with Emily, I blithely thumbed through the pieces, moving past the one I wanted and feigning disinterest. Eventually, I went back to The One, picked it up, and studied it. Then I put on my "Man-I-wish-I-could-buy-this-but-I'm-a-lowly-minion-just-trying-to-get-by-in-these-tough-economic-times-but-I-really-want-to-support-you-so-help-me-help-you" face.

The haggard middle-aged man sensed my desire and said, "Usually I charge $18 but I'll give it to you for $15."

"Can you do $10," I sheepishly asked.

"$13," He offered.

"$11," I curtly replied.

"$13," He sighed.

"$12.50."

Sigh. "Done."

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! This is way better than eBay," I thought as I casually handed him a crisp twenty (tacky, I know, but I didn't have any change and I refuse to make an impulse buy that costs more than $13. [Note: I once almost impetuously paid $300 for something that I didn't even want because, heart pounding like I'd just outrun the police, I bid up, up and away because I just couldn't stand to lose a bid. Thankfully some other, more pathetic SBFAR outbid me at the last minute]). The photo was mine.

I felt like I'd won something. I grinned excitedly, patting myself on the back for so successfully completing my haggling adventure. Now I just have to practice repeating, "Gratis! Gratis!" to the waiters at our (all-inclusive) hotel.

Bow Ties: Update

2009-04-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Tucker is such a douche! Even without the bow tie!

Bow Ties

2009-04-10T08:59:00.001-07:00

According to Politico's Playbook, bow ties are "in." I have always (secretly) loved men who wear bow ties, but only when they're ironic. When people where them in all seriousness, all I can think of is Tucker Carlson, who, on a douchery scale of 1-5 is a definite 6. And that makes me want to slap said bow tie wearer like any good, effete liberal would: with the back of my hand, while contemporaneously sipping a locally sourced, sustainably grown, homemade latte with steamed soy milk in my German-made station wagon/Prius on my way home from the farmer's market, where I just bought some arugula.

Meyer Lemon Curd

2009-04-07T13:08:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've been obsessed with all things lemon, especially of the Meyer variety. Lucky for me, I have a very special person in my life who has several lemon trees and, therefore, a surfeit of lemons that are ripe for the pickin'. I've been so excited about my foray into the world of lemon curd, that I had to share my experience and the recipe with my (few) readers.

Lemon curd is something that I have always wanted to make, but had shied away from for one reason or another; too much stirring; I've never made it before; it sounds so gourmet and therefore difficult to make. However, a few weeks ago, I decided to cast off the reins of self-doubt and try my hand at this delectable spreadable treat. It was delicious.

The curd was incredibly easy to make (though my arm was a little sore from constantly whisking the mixture to keep the egg yolks from scrambling), and the few ingredients it requires (lemons, sugar, egg yolks and butter) are all relatively cheap and yield a substantial amount of curd.

The first time I made it, it came out perfectly (in my humble opinion). It was thick, sweet and tart at the same time, and had no lumps to speak of (due to the fact that I strained it through a fine sieve). The second time, either I forgot to add a tablespoon of sugar, or I added one too many the first time and I didn't strain it. It still tasted great, but it was quite tart, and not as thick as I would have liked it to have been.

Either way, I realized that I should never, ever pay for lemon curd again. It normally costs upwards of $6 a jar and you can make it yourself for less than half the price (assuming lemons are in season). Plus, then you can brag to your friends about the fact that you made lemon curd, which they probably think is really hard to make.

Typically, people use the curd for cakes and tarts. I just smeared it on some bread. And ate it straight with a spoon. Sometimes. Okay, most of the time.

I used this recipe, from my favorite insane, obsessive, perfectionist food/home/gardn guru, Martha Stewart.

The Corcoran

2009-04-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I went to D.C. On my visit, I had the pleasure of visiting the Corcoran Gallery. Among the many fantastic exhibits (including an installation by Maya Lin, was Wounded Cities. This exhibit, by Leo Rubinfien, consisted of giant photos taken of people around the world in the months after 9/11. The images - a few of which I've included below - were quite stunning. I was caught taking photos shortly after I began, and so was unable to capture the full scope of the exhibit, much to my chagrin and the guard's delight (he actually smirked at me).

There is also a book of the photographs, which I did not buy because it was way too expensive. Instead, I took a picture of the book.

It's kind of like having the book itself, right?

The Corcoran also has a great collection of early American political cartoons, most of which are very apropos in this day and age. Behold, a few of my favorites:

Republican Party Contines Journey into Obsolescence

2009-04-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

This from Eric Cantor: Democrats are "overreacting" to the economic crisis. He expects to regain control in the House with such novel ideas as freezing all non-defense spending and making the Bush tax cuts for the rich permanent. Um, interesting. Has he heard the populist rage coursing through the veins of the American people?

If this is part of the GOP's big strategy to retake the House, I look forward to the circus.

Big Pimpin

2009-04-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

This shit is insane! It's a hotel! No, it's a helicopter! No! It's a hotelicopter (!!!!!!)

SIKE! BAM!

I totally fell for this until I Googled it. This thing should totally be invented by some rich bored guy. Like Richard Branson! Come on Richey! This thing is fucking golden!

Current TV: Twitter Sucks

2009-03-31T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that somebody has finally memorialized the suckiness of Twitter and the Twits who Tweet:

While I am sure/hope you've inferred this already, I should point out that I'm not on Twitter. I think it's the ugly step child of social networking, a phenomenon that I participate in and can appreciate.

Forget the fact that even John McCain, who can barely use a computer, is a regular twit (the internets are for old fogeys too). What really gets me is that so many people (not just tweens and teens who think it's okay to put up embarrassing pictures of themselves on Facebook because they don't understand that the world wide web is called the WORLD WIDE web for a reason) feel the need to constantly overshare. I don't care about the minutia of your life. I doubt you care that I'm currently sitting on my bed with an exfoliating clay mask on my face breathing in the relaxing scent of eucalyptus as I bang angrily on my keyboard about hating Twitter, so I spare you the annoyance.

I mean, really, who cares? Nobody. So please, keep your mindless, boring afterthoughts to yourself and get some friends. The real, in-person kind, not the computer kind. Friends who care. Or, alternatively, keep a diary. Or a blog that your friends rarely read, like I do. Don't bombard them with status updates about your largely routine life. Is nothing sacred?

"I Like My Women Taped Up"

2009-03-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

Direct quote from Aaron Thaler. How do you like your women?

Lamb Brains

2009-03-24T14:12:00.001-07:00

I ate this a few weeks ago at Delfina. Somehow I forgot to blog about it despite the fact that the thought of having eaten it made me shiver for at least 48 hours after the incident. I didn't think I was a squeamish eater, but clearly I am. It's not that the brains weren't good. They were. They tasted a bit...earthy. The texture was a bit mushy for my taste, but nothing offensive.

I'm not sure why I still feel a little funny even know as I write about it. I love veal. I love foi gras. So what's wrong with lamb brains? Maybe it was the fact that they were kind of gray in color and all I could think about was that scene in Hannibal where Anthony Hopkins is cooking and eating the brains of a guy who is sitting next to him. Alive. In any case, I don't think I'll be eating brains of any kind at least for a while.

The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

2009-03-18T12:17:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share a few racist ads with ya'll to help you get over hump-day.

This one comes courtesy of Germany:

Danke.

And this one, from Russia, with love:

In the uber-PC world in which I, as an American, live, I can understand why some people would be extremely offended by such a blatant display of cultural insensitivity. But I'm only mildly PC (Wesleyan made me wary of political correctness in most forms), so I'm only a little offended.

Mostly these ads make me feel better about being an American; they serve as examples of an area in which we Americans, in all of our God-loving, Teva-and-sock-wearing, gun-toting glory are clearly more socially advanced than are many Europeans: race.

Meet Gabe Reilly

2009-03-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

Know him. Listen to him. Succeed in life.

Watchmen

2009-03-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Why is everybody hating? It was a good movie. I don't think it was the best move of the year by any means, but it was an entertaining action movie with just the right amount comic book-ey cheese.

I think it's true that to have enjoyed the movie to the fullest extent possible, you would have had to have read the book first. That said, Keith liked it, and he didn't read the book AND it ran well past the 90 minutes that he believes all movies should be.

Only three things bothered me about the movie:

1. Rorschach was played by the pedophile from that movie Little Children. I couldn't look at him without thinking about that scene at the end of the movie where he's sitting on the swing...Shudder.

2. Malin Akerman (Laurie Jupiter) looked too much like Chyna, that WWF wrestler. It bothered me.

3. Billy Crudup's perpetual nakedness and swinging man-part. While I appreciate the fact that the film stayed true to the book, I found this to be just a little gratuitous.

So all in all, it was a solid movie. A. O. Scott really needs to chill on the haterade.

Ha!

2009-03-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

Jindal's a liar (thanks, Talking Points Memo)! Shocker! Bobby didn't actually stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Sheriff Harry Lee aiding Katrina victims?

Anywho, all I can say is, Mo Fiya Mo Fiya! Let Jindal (and Steele and, dare I speak his name, Rush) fan the flames of republican destruction all day long.

Food Porn

2009-03-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gents, for your viewing and aural pleasure, The McGangBang:

What, pray tell, is a McGangBang? It's a McChicken Sandwich straddled on both ends by a Double Cheeseburger.

Apparently this thing was invented in Daytona Beach in 2006. It's since become something of a phenomenon. People have documented their adventures ordering the sandwich at various McDonald's across this great nation. These exploits can obviously be found on YouTube.

Sorry, Bobby

2009-02-28T18:19:00.000-08:00

You've got nothin' on Hi-Caliber.

There's hope for republicans after all.

Dean Grose: Moron

2009-02-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Watermelon patch? Really?

And his apology:

“The attention brought to this matter has sadly created an image of me which is most unfortunate...I recognize that I’ve made a mistake and have taken steps to make sure this is never repeated.”

The thing is, this will never be repeated because Grose is finished.

Oh, and I'm sure this is the last time he'll receive a racist email that he thinks is so funny he'll have to pass it along to his friends and coworkers (at least one of whom is black).

Republicans: Keep the embarrassments coming. I'm having a wonderful time watching the you lose political relevance. Michael Steele can't save you.

Hypocrisy is so hot

2009-02-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

According to a study reported on TDB's Cheat Sheet (via newscientist.com) there is a higher level of pornography consumption in red states than there is in blue states.

Further, in states where a majority of people claim to hold traditional views of family and marriage, more porn is purchased than in states where most people say they don't hold such traditional views. The best part about this finding is that the same trend holds true for people who think AIDS is God's way of punishing people for "immoral sexual behavior."

Okay, okay, I think I get it. Watching porn is okay as long as you pretend not to watch porn and lambaste the porn industry and anyone who supports it. Like yourself.

Wait. Something's not adding up here. Two plus two equals...um...uh...Ted Haggard? Larry Craig?

Dear Republicans

2009-02-24T19:34:00.000-08:00

Putting a brown-skinned guy isn't going to obfuscate the fact that your party has zero in the way of new ideas. Terrorism? Check. Larded-up bills? Check. Democrat-bashing? Check. Low taxes? Check. Indefatigable American spirit? Check.

Hmmmm...sounds like a story I've heard before. How about telling me what you're going to do and not what you're not going to do? Just a thought...

Oh and P.S., Democrats do believe in charter schools. And as for universally accessible health care, how do you propose to make it affordable without the government's help? Are you going to count on the good will of health care corporations? I'll definitely be betting my life on that (non)idea. Not!

Dear Bobby Jindal

2009-02-24T19:27:00.001-08:00

This is not an infomercial. You sound like one of the most disingenuous politicians I've ever heard. You also sound eerily like John McCain. I think you need a new strategy team. And an acting coach.

Want a place on the national stage? Try sounding like you actually believe in the ideas you're espousing.

The Sweet Smell of Desperation

2009-02-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

You can imagine the giant sigh that escaped from my mouth upon reading this headline on the BBC's website: "Octuplet 'father' wants DNA tests."

It sounds like this guy is hoping to get his own reality show (move over Jon and Kate Plus 8) and then, maybe even a book deal! Or his very own talk show where he only interviews troubled youth from large families. It's all about the niche marketing.

Seriously though, talk about a role reversal. What father actually wants to lay claim to EIGHT - and maybe even all 14! 14!!! just for good measure - children who have an attention-hungry, unstable, freak show for a mother? Cue soundtrack from The Twilight Zone.

I'm sorry to the few individuals who actually read this blog that I'm perpetuating this woman's 15 minutes of fame. She doesn't deserve the keystrokes. But I couldn't help myself. This was just too good. And by that I mean sad.

Patenting Yoga Poses

2009-02-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

Apparently, some Yoga instructors are trying to patent various yoga poses, that derive from thousands and thousands of years of practice.

Something about this seems to be at odds with the all-embracing, love-they-neighbor crap that yoga teachers always tell you to focus your intention on. But hey, this is America. We're enterprising. I'm officially embarking on my quest to patent The Bible.

Prince Harry to Undergo "Sensitivity Training"

2009-02-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

Seriously, this has to be the worst PR stunt I've ever seen in my entire life. Prince Harry's "sensitivity training" reportedly involves presentations and role-playing. So is he going to have play an Indian Sikh who is mistaken for being Islamic Paki? Or will he have to sit through a presentation about why it's bad to assume that Black people don't talk good?

Maybe he could up his racial-awareness factor by actually knowing people who are different from him. Or maybe he could just shut his face and hope people forget about this whole thing.

Judd Gregg

2009-02-12T15:54:00.000-08:00

So Judd Gregg has withdrawn his candidacy for Commerce Secretary, citing "irresolvable conflicts." He went further, to say, “It has become apparent during this process that this will not work for me as I have found that on issues such as the stimulus package and the Census there are irresolvable conflicts for me,” Mr. Gregg said in a statement. “Prior to accepting this post, we had discussed these and other potential differences, but unfortunately we did not adequately focus on these concerns. We are functioning from a different set of views on many critical items of policy.”

I knew something was fishy when Gregg abstained from the vote on the stimulus package. Just getting Gregg to consider taking the job was such a scene; I have to wonder if the whole thing wasn't just a game the Republicans were playing with the Democrats to cause yet another hiccup in PBO's effort to build his cabinet and generate more negative news and speculation about the administration.

Why I Love The Daily Beast

2009-02-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

90% of my love for The Daily Beast comes from its reporting. The other 10% comes from the readers, who are generally quite informed, and their comments, which are hi-larious and eye-opening!

Last night I read an article by John Tammy called "For Richer, For Poorer." In his article, Tammy criticizes the anti-rich policy of the Obama administration, stating, "When politicians attack the rich, they more realistically put a bull’s eye on the wages of the poor and middle class. Simply put, without capital there are no wages." He also claims that by punishing the rich we're punishing everybody because, without their tens of millions of dollars to throw around, waiters and busboys are suffering. Maybe some waiters and busboys are suffering and that sucks. But they'll be back. Don't worry. And in the mean time, I'm sure there's a Taco Bell or a McDonald's that could use your services.

I think Tammy needs to shut the eff up. While the resurgance of populism in this country is at once refreshing and mildly disturbing (I see pitchforks on the horizon), I'm tired of people boo-hoo-hooing about the travails of the masters of the universe. That article in the New York Times this past Sunday, "You Try to Live on 500K in This Town" made me sick to my stomach. I have no sympathy for people who claim to need several $10,000 gowns for various charity events that probably don't benefit the less fortunate members of society (one TDB commenter highlighted the opera as an example). To be clear, I have no problem with donating to causes or organizations from which you yourself directly benefit. But don't pretend that these people donate to charity purely out of the goodness of their own hearts. They have tax breaks and guilt to spur their generosity.

Anywho, everybody should read this article. Not because Tammy has any new ideas, but because the comments are amazing! A few gems:

- Mr. Tamny, your theory is disproved daily by each new round of bad economic news. We are to believe that Mr. Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy have led us to economic heaven? We are to believe that the middle class doesn't eat out and when they do, they don't leave big tips, ergo, the economy goes to hell. Please. Go back to last Nov. 4 and re-read the news.

- And when you hurt just the poor and middle class, the rich couldn't give two shits. Cry me a river, Tammy.

- Who is John Tamny?

- 1980 called. They want their supply side nonsense back.

And last but not least:

- Yeah I'm not going to waste too many finger strokes on this guy. Because he is a Jack Off already. Why does the beast give these guys so much space anyway?
Hey! Loser! Go F*@K yourself!!!! Maybe look into auto erotic asphyxiation and take it to the limit.

Bay to Breakers 2009: Why Even Bother

2009-02-11T14:44:00.000-08:00

Without floats and alcohol, what is the point of going Bay to Breakers? Naked runners aren't enough to get me out of bed at 6AM.

How hard is that? As a transplant to San Francisco, this event was a big point of pride. Now SF is just another cool city without a crazy city-wide party to lord over other less cool cities.

I understand that residents who happen to live along the B2B route must be displeased by throngs of revelers openly relieving themselves on their stoops, sidewalks, etc..., but there is a simple solution for that: add more port-a-potties. As for the floats that are often abandoned by drunken attendees, I propose charging an fee for those who want to have a float. The money would go towards clean-up and recycling costs. I'm no MENSA scholar, but I think these ideas may allay the concerns of haters of fun who are responsible for the end of B2B as we know it.

Julio Osegueda: Hero

2009-02-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

When I first saw the clip of Julio Osegueda speaking to President Obama, I thought he was being facetious. The whole, "Praise God" thing seemed a bit gratuitous to be genuine. But then he kept going. He was unstoppable. Indefatigable. It was as if he'd been overcome by the father, the son and the holy ghost. I thought he was going to start speaking in tongues.

I understand that speaking to any president must be an exhilarating experience, but homeboy needs to take a chill pill. I thought he was going to have a heart attack.

I haven't been able to stop watching this video and I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's the spectacle; it makes me laugh hysterically every time. Maybe it's because I admire his seemingly boundless energy. All I know is that after hearing about the bailout and the stimulus package all day, Julio provided some much needed comic relief...and maybe a little inspiration.

On Michael Phelps

2009-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Keith had this to say about the Michael Phelps witch hunt:

Hey kids, if you smoke pot, you too could end up a 14-time gold medal Olympian.

I thought it was funny and wanted to share it with you all.

Celtics Sadness: Update

2009-02-06T09:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I'm memorializing this on the world wide web, but I feel compelled to admit that I actually had two ham & cheese croissants this morning. I guess I'm an emotional eater. The Celtics' loss served to justify my gluttony this time, but I'll pretty much use any excuse to eat more of something than I know I should.

I don't know what came over me. When I decided to get two I pretended that I would give one away. The fact that I have no one to whom I could give it away and knew that all along is beside the point.

I saw the case full of just-baked croissants and all I could think was, "I want to go to there." I am the walrus.

Celtics Sadness

2009-02-06T09:02:00.000-08:00

Last night's game made me so sad.

Once KG fouled out of the game (on a whack-ass call by a whack-ass ref), I knew it was over. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I knew they couldn't beat LA without him. Still, I feigned hopefulness, sitting on the edge of my seat throughout the 4th quarter waiting for Rondo to make a clutch steal or for Eddie House to hit another one of his magical three-pointers or for Ray Ray to come through with a simple lay-up. Sadly, none of this came to pass. The Celtics and Lakers went tit for tat, only to lose in overtime by 1 point because of that beastly cave man, Gasol.

Now the Celtics have lost home-court advantage for the Finals and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried. I'm tired of resting on their embarrassing defeat of the Lakers in the finals last year. You can only rely on history for so long and I've been singing the same tune for months. I've still got nothing but love for the C's. Obviously.

I was hoping that, by writing this post, I would feel a sense of catharsis. But I don't. I'm still angry. I'm still sad. Not even my ritual Friday Liberty Cafe ham & cheese croissant and double latte can lift my spirits. I'm crestfallen.

I just have to keep telling myself that this too, shall pass. I know the Celtics will pull it together to Beat LA when it really counts.

A Grand Entrance: Update

2009-02-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Many readers would infer from my post about Keith and my grand entrance to Solage Calistoga that Keith had been drinking. For the record, I want you all to know that this is not the case. He was not drunk driving.

A Grand Entrance

2009-02-01T21:36:00.001-08:00

"Have you guys run anything over yet today?" Asked Juan, who greeted us at check-in the previous afternoon.

You see, following a day of wine tasting yesterday, Keith and I were desperate to get to our hotel and take a nap before dinner.

"There it is!" I yelled, and pointed to the left.

Keith proceeded to careen the car off the main road and into the driveway. Just as he was about to pull up in front of the reception desk, we heard a series of loud crashes and saw a restaurant full of people staring at us. Keith had run over the [poorly placed] solid iron valet sign and sent it skidding across the driveway.

This is how we began our stay at Solage Calistoga. A grand entrance indeed...

More Thoughts on Starbucks

2009-01-28T22:51:00.000-08:00

I officially hate Starbucks less than I did a few hours ago. My mild change of heart is entirely due to the CEO of Starbucks' decision to cut his salary from $1.2 million to $10,000. I'm glad to know that some CEOs aren't total a**holes. Schultz's action makes the high-flying, bonus-and-bailout receiving, $87,000-rug-buying CEOs look like even bigger douchebags. The John Thains of the world should really take a lesson out of Schultz's playbook.

Thoughts on Starbucks

2009-01-28T16:50:00.000-08:00

The company that brought haute coffee to the masses, and bastardized it in the process. That magical "third place" that seemed to be within a 5-block radius no matter where you were in the universe. That venerable giant hawking burnt espresso drinks at $4 a pop. I bid it a gleeful adieu.

While it's unfortunate that many good, hardworking people will be losing their jobs, health insurance and college fund (Starbucks was nothing if not good to its workers), I will not miss Starbucks on iota.

I Spy with My Little Eye...

2009-01-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

...A big fat lawsuit.

How the Peanut Corporation of America's Georgia plant could knowingly send out peanut butter tainted with salmonella is beyond me. I could understand if the tainted peanut butter came from China - after all, it wouldn't be the first time a poisoned product was intentionally sold to poor, unsuspecting citizens - but this is America. I thought we had standards.

The fact that the company found salmonella in dozens of tests is just infuriating. What low-level manager thought it was a good idea to let potentially deadly peanut butter leave the factory floor? Was s/he passed over for a promotion and thought they'd "stick it to the man?" Did s/he have a psychotic hatred for peanut-butter lovers due to a ghastly experience s/he had in her/his youth? Was s/he just totally incompetent? I want answers!

Sayonara, Sucker!

2009-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

Peace out Bill Kristol. I will miss your presence on the last page of section 1. Your conservative ideas, your misinformation, your pompous attitude. Tear.

Damn MUNI Tracks

2009-01-25T19:59:00.001-08:00

This afternoon my lovely bike ride, to which I had been looking forward since the rain started, came to an abrupt halt when I fell off of my bike. Just one block from home, I was in the progress of turning onto 26th street when my tire became lodged in the MUNI track that runs down Church St. I proceeded to fly over my handle bars and into the opposite lane, as pedestrians and vehicle passengers looked on in horror, mouths agape.

I immediately picked myself up off of the ground and aimlessly glanced around in disbelief as I tried to make sense of what happened. One minute I was signaling oncoming traffic to make my left-hand turn and the next minute I was on the ground hearing the contents in my front basket skid across the pavement.

As soon as I realized that somehow I wasn't bleeding, I retrieved my things that had been strewn across the intersection and rescued my bike. A woman in a minivan drove up beside me and said, "Are you okay? Because that looked really bad." I replied sheepishly, "Remarkably, I'm fine. See?" I showed her my hands to prove it.

I think this may be God's way of punishing me for laughing uncontrollably after I saw this guy who was cruising down Guerrero on his shopping cart at top speed crash into the side of a building and tumble to the ground along with his glass bottles and other miscellaneous refuse. I'm chuckling right now as I think about it. Karma is a bitch.

In any event, although my wrist is hurting quite a bit (I fear I may have sprained it), in my mind, this accident has taught me that I shouldn't be so cavalier when riding around the city. It's dangerous. Strangely enough it has also served to, in my mind, legitimize my status as a bicyclist. And I hope it never happens again.

Is It Just Me...

2009-01-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

Or is there something poetic about the fact that Dick Cheney is in a wheel chair today?

2009-01-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

The era of misunderestimation is over.

Open Letta to Beretta

2009-01-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

Good food, good cocktails. Actively bad service. So bad that after two visits I vow never to return.

It's not just that it takes 30 minutes to get a cocktail. With only one bartender to make hundreds of drinks, I suppose I can sympathize (but you should really just get one more bartender. There are hundreds of unemployed, skinny, shaggy people in this city looking for a pretentious place to work). It's also that when I asked my waitress if she could check on the drinks (it had been about 20 minutes since we placed our order) she blithely gestured to the bar and said curtly, "they're coming. There's your wine and your other thing is coming."

Not that you care. You have enough middle-aged hipsters to pack your entitled haunt until kingdom come.

And p.s., what's with the graphic swirls that adorn your walls? Lame.